Big Emotions

Recently I have been told I have “big emotions.” Which I found offensive at first. I was reflecting on this on my walk today. And I had to laugh. I started my walk feeling overwhelmed. I feel sadness about my kids going back to school, sadness about my loss and life’s current state. I was listening to a podcast that stirred up a lot of frustration and resentment next. I asked for signs that I was handling my life in the right way. Shortly after a car passed that only had 4 digits on its license plate- my dad’s phone number. And the car directly behind that had a gigantic bee on the back windshield. So here I am now two hands over my eyes crying as I walk along PW Blvd. My inner monologue is that it is time to pivot and listen to some music to reset my mood. Not long after I am starring in my own rom com as I am dancing down the street, giggling to myself at the horror my own kids may experience at the sight of their mother with her weighted vest, water bottle strapped to her belt bag shaking it down the side walk. Is THIS what big emotions is? I felt about 8 emotions in a window of an hour! Is this not what everyone does all day? Is this an Italian thing? Many questions, but where I landed was- Yep, I am a passionate female with lots of emotions. And those emotions make me love hard, care hard and fight hard for what I want in life. It is also the heavy price tag I pay in my grief. Grief is love with no where to go. I wouldn’t change that about myself. And that is part of healing. I love those big emotions. And the fact that I can experience such great joy in the midst of so much pain.